Print ArticleI once ran into an ex, the one I call the great love of my life after a year of not seeing each other. They were finally getting their American citizenship. I got wind of it and insisted on coming to the event since I´d seen all the struggle and drama they went through to get to that point. Things went really well. I was very proud.
We had lunch afterward with a mutual friend and immediately, I´m sure they felt the same; there were sexual sparks in the air. Part of me wanted to land a big fat, slow, wet kiss on them when I saw them. Sexuality was seeping off their pours and damn they looked good.
But that´s when the problem came about, it had been a year since we´d broken up and I had already moved on and I knew they hadn´t. In fact, they hadn´t even dated anyone because they were still holding a flame for me, as they said. (Why? I don´t know since they´re the ones that broke up with me in the first place but that´s another story).
I felt nervous, praying to God that during our lunch they wouldn´t ask if I was seeing anyone. And thank God they didn´t. Seeing each other reignited feelings with each other again and we began talking regularly on the phone, not romantically but as friends because I refused to cheat on who I was dating at the time.
But finally, I couldn´t stand it anymore and decided to just come out and be honest. So, I broke the news, telling them that I hoped this wouldn´t stop us from being able to continue to be friends. And let´s just say they weren´t happy about the news.
Bothered me that we couldn´t remain friends just because I had moved on. I knew our relationship wasn´t working and never would, no matter how much in love we were so I had forced myself to take steps to move forward in my life.
In my novel, Forever My Lady , one of the main characters, Jennifer does the same thing. She´s been dating the great love of her life since she was 13 years old but she knows he´s no good for her. That´s when he decides to "explore other options" and finally she has to break the news to him that she´s seeing someone else. How does he respond? Let´s just say not too well.
But how do you do break the news so they´ll respond well?
First of all, there are two options: either do the "don´t ask, don´t tell policy" (but I believe this will eat you alive and eventually they´re going to find out). Or perhaps you can start by asking them calmly if they´ve been seeing anyone else since if they are, this will almost give you "permission" to move on.
You can also give it at least a year or so before you tell them because no one is so unrealistic to think that after two years someone hasn´t at least entertained the thought of moving on.
But buffering the conversation by saying that you hope that you can continue to have a good relationship with them as friends and that you hope that you dating someone else won´t ruin that can be helpful too.
I really don´t believe that just because you break up with someone you need to instantly become enemies. I think that´s ridiculous and childish. Relationships constantly grow and change, that´s the nature of them, some involve into other types of relationships and as a mature adult we need to realize that.
Jeff Rivera is the author of Forever My Lady. For more information visit Amazon.com or www.JeffRivera.com
We had lunch afterward with a mutual friend and immediately, I´m sure they felt the same; there were sexual sparks in the air. Part of me wanted to land a big fat, slow, wet kiss on them when I saw them. Sexuality was seeping off their pours and damn they looked good.
But that´s when the problem came about, it had been a year since we´d broken up and I had already moved on and I knew they hadn´t. In fact, they hadn´t even dated anyone because they were still holding a flame for me, as they said. (Why? I don´t know since they´re the ones that broke up with me in the first place but that´s another story).
I felt nervous, praying to God that during our lunch they wouldn´t ask if I was seeing anyone. And thank God they didn´t. Seeing each other reignited feelings with each other again and we began talking regularly on the phone, not romantically but as friends because I refused to cheat on who I was dating at the time.
But finally, I couldn´t stand it anymore and decided to just come out and be honest. So, I broke the news, telling them that I hoped this wouldn´t stop us from being able to continue to be friends. And let´s just say they weren´t happy about the news.
Bothered me that we couldn´t remain friends just because I had moved on. I knew our relationship wasn´t working and never would, no matter how much in love we were so I had forced myself to take steps to move forward in my life.
In my novel, Forever My Lady , one of the main characters, Jennifer does the same thing. She´s been dating the great love of her life since she was 13 years old but she knows he´s no good for her. That´s when he decides to "explore other options" and finally she has to break the news to him that she´s seeing someone else. How does he respond? Let´s just say not too well.
But how do you do break the news so they´ll respond well?
First of all, there are two options: either do the "don´t ask, don´t tell policy" (but I believe this will eat you alive and eventually they´re going to find out). Or perhaps you can start by asking them calmly if they´ve been seeing anyone else since if they are, this will almost give you "permission" to move on.
You can also give it at least a year or so before you tell them because no one is so unrealistic to think that after two years someone hasn´t at least entertained the thought of moving on.
But buffering the conversation by saying that you hope that you can continue to have a good relationship with them as friends and that you hope that you dating someone else won´t ruin that can be helpful too.
I really don´t believe that just because you break up with someone you need to instantly become enemies. I think that´s ridiculous and childish. Relationships constantly grow and change, that´s the nature of them, some involve into other types of relationships and as a mature adult we need to realize that.
Jeff Rivera is the author of Forever My Lady. For more information visit Amazon.com or www.JeffRivera.com
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